Sunday, November 29, 2009

And here's to being honest.

This was originally my 10th beauty fact (thanks Lisa for sharing :D) but now it's just something I wanted to get out there because after all, I am a real person behind this blog, I have feelings, and I want to be open and honest with my readers. This is an extremely long post (vent/rant of sorts) so you don't need to read the whole thing, but I would like to hear how anyone feels about this topic =)
To put it bluntly, I am VERY self-concious about my appearance. When I was younger, I got made fun of and picked on a lot because I was always the shortest, puniest ASIAN kid in class. In addition to that, I had weird eyebrows, a f*cked up grill, full lips, small eyes + SEVERE dark circles (yep, had em from when I was young), and a stereotypical chawan-bowl haircut. To look at pictures of me then up until now is like looking at totally different people

How my brows used to look =[ And apparently, 2005 was THAT BAD.




























I was the wallflower that no one took notice of unless it was to make fun of. So I became a tomboy. I roughed it with the guys and was usually treated like one. But secretly I wanted to be girly. I started wearing makeup around 8th grade. I looked horrible. But back then, I thought I look awesome (haha). I yanked out half my brows because I hated the ends and they never grew back. So yes, I do have to draw on the ends of my eyebrows every day. Strangely, I get lots of compliments on them :S I got braces, but today I still hate the way my teeth look. Some people think I have nice lips, but I hate them. I have given up on trying to get rid of my severe dark circles and I still have this constant nagging to yank out my eyelashes whenever I'm bored/stressed.

At this point in time, I feel like I've "grown into myself" so to speak. Now, I need to wear makeup to feel PRESENTABLE, not pretty. I envy those girls that can look beautiful without makeup. Who can wake up in the morning and be satisfied with their appearance, as I am not one of those people. I cannot follow "asian" makeup tutorials because they just don't work for me. I've had to find my own way of applying makeup, and it's still a struggle to this day -- which is why I don't do many tutorials / FOTDs / EOTDs. I do appreciate all the kind words I've received from you lovely ladies though, it really warms my heart and it's nice to hear if I am able to help people in any way (:
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Anyways, on to my main point here. I've been hearing here and there the little issues of people being hated on for being supposedly superficial, fake, vain, etc. just because they have a blog/youtube where they can freely express themselves through words AND pictures. Lots of nasty words are said that are truly mean and hurtful. Now, this has never happened to me HERE on blogger (and hopefully never will) but I have gone through this BEFORE. It is not a pleasent experience and it really made me question myself and increased my already low self-esteem.

I really wonder what goes through these people's heads before they leave such nasty comments? "I'm jealous of this girl, so I'm going to bash her?" Or "I just don't like girls who post so many pictures of herself so I'm going to say something mean." Hiding behind a computer screen and harsh words is not a way to make up for their own personal flaws nor should it be done just because they have nothing better to do or think it's funny. The people behind the pictures have feelings. They are real people.

Just because they post pictures of themselves doesn't mean they're saying "Look at how hot I am! Be jealous of me! When you're done drooling, post lots of comments about how superior I am in beauty to everyone else!!!" They're usually trying to teach you something, show you something, showcase a product, etc. It's unfair of such rude and careless people to assume that everyone who has a beauty blog/youtube is a narcissistic bitch.

Which leads me to this point:
"Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
You never know what someone has gone or IS going through before you decide to judge them. Which is why the little remarks can often lead to bigger things (who knows, maybe even the end of one's life). It was already difficult for me to have to go through teasing when I was little. And then, an even worse relapse to be taunted yet again, when I finally started feeling comfortable with myself. Although now, I am able to hide my feelings better, receiving a spiteful and negative comment from anyone really hits hard, which leads to depressing days of much over-analyzing.

Judgement is usually quick, but by no means should it be passed with one glance. The things I tend to hear about myself usually includes: snobby, stuck up, slutty, rich bitch. Which is really hurtful because it's the exact opposite of who I really am. I don't come from a financially endowed family. I consider myself lucky that I'm going to college. I'm extremely shy and socially awkward, so I tend not to talk to many people I don't know. I keep to myself. And I'll admit, I've made share of stupid, misguided mistakes in the past, but that does not determine who I am now. Which leads me to another truthful quote:

"Your character is who you are. Your reputation is who people think you are."

I'm going off on a tangent here...... but in the end, what I'm getting at is that I really wish that people will try to be a lot more careful and compassionate with their words and judgement; even though it's only words, they are more powerful than than you think. And my advice to all girls -- Try your best to be confident, NOT conceited.

*Phew*! Sorry for this semi-depressing rant. Just wanted to get it off my chest. Thanks, if you've gotten this far =)



8 comments :

  1. Hear hear! And I don't think you looked bad at all! Girl you should've seen ME! Now that is scary! LOL! But I'm glad that you've grown into this beautiful talented creative woman you are today! :)

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  2. Awww this is such an amazing post!! Thanks for sharing and opening up to us! I never thought I was pretty or cute when I was in Jr High or HS as well and all my yearbook pictures IMO are awful!! I was also never the popular girl either and I always did use to find myself envying all the pretty girls at school.

    It's sad that people would leave such comments. For me blog is a sacred place for me where I can be free to express myself and share stuff with other people who have the same interest. It might look like us blog girls are vain with all the photo-whoring but little do they know that, that is the most helpful, especially with beauty related products.

    Up to this day I never really view myself as beautiful, but I finally found a way to be happy with myself and my appearance. And on those days that I want to attempt to be pretty, that's where a little help with something called "make up" comes in!

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  3. awww what an honest post <3 i didn't have a lot of confidence in my teen/pre teen years either. my family moved to canada when i was 12 sooo you can just imagine how many fob jokes i endured in hs/junior high. kids can be soo cruel, buut i always knew there was more to life than highschool soo i never let myself dwell on the mean things that people said about me.

    i <3 you! you're beautiful erynn :)

    <3

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  4. Hi hun! *hugs* Kudos to you for being so honest. You are beautiful inside and out. That's something no one can ever take away from you.

    We've all gone through super awkward phases. For me, it would have to be when I had Coke bottle glasses. :P I also had the Asian bowl cut and still suffer from dark eye circles. So you're definitely not alone!

    Regarding the cattiness you mentioned, it just makes me so sad. We girls should be lifting each other up instead of tearing one another down.

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  5. you may not believe this, but i never had the luxury to get braces. my teeth are not awfully disgusting but i have 2 crooked teeth on the far left side of my mouth (the canine grew in from the top a little so it pushed my other tooth in a little so it isnt aligned nicely with my other teeth. anyways, long story short, i love this post and i agree a lot of ppl hate but when it comes down to it, do what makes you happy. no one person is beautiful 24/7, and we all have self-esteem issues. its only normal =) and you erynn, are beautiful. no one is a cookie cutter barbie and thats what makes us special and beautiful at the same time <3

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  6. i agree with that so much yeah you shouldnt judge someone because you dont know what they are going through wow yeah

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  7. Awww, I was waiting for you to post this ever since you told me in the comments you would. <3

    I know it really can be hard to open up like that but you are so right. Everyone has their own battles and history and it's not right for trolls to make snap judgments like that. I've felt the same way in terms of money... For the longest time I felt like I didn't deserve to have nice things because I lived so much of my life spending as little as I could to get what I wanted. Money wasn't freely given but earned through hard work.

    You know, if you just hold onto how much you have grown since where you once were it does make a big difference. You are beautiful and have people who care about you so it shouldn't matter about the one or two who don't. I do hope you continue to grow and feel more confident about yourself too. I think you deserve it. :)

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  8. Hi sweets! Im sorry for not visiting your blog to often and leaving a comment,, >_<

    THis is a beautiful post, girls can be so cruel to each other sometimes without thinking why you have to be so negative and hurtful... I had my share of self confidence issues when growing up and still today it lurks around back of my head trying to be positive. Same here shy, nerdy, short asian kid so I did get made fun of alot when I moved to US especially I didnt even understand a word of english so it was really hard on me which cause me to have low self esteem issues. It is really hurtful when someone make a negative judgment of you when they know nothing about you and judged by the way you look. I never understood why girls can be so cruel to each other, I give everyone equal respect and never cast my judgment on appearance but it always seem to happens to me I get judged. I agree 100% people need to be more compassionate of each other have more respect for one another! I have learn from my past experiences that have molded me into who I am today one thing I learned is being a negative person does do you no good and to others, our beauty blog is where we girls can share our love of being a girl and sharing infos from one to another its like a sisterhood and I hope every girl could feel the same way and love another! :)

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