This was originally my 10th beauty fact (thanks
Lisa for sharing :D) but now it's just something I wanted to get out there because after all, I am a real person behind this blog, I have feelings, and I want to be open and honest with my readers. This is an extremely long post (vent/rant of sorts) so
you don't need to read the whole thing, but I would like to hear how anyone feels about this topic =)
To put it bluntly, I am VERY self-concious about my appearance. When I was younger,
I got made fun of and picked on a lot because I was always the shortest, puniest ASIAN kid in class. In addition to that, I had weird eyebrows, a f*cked up grill, full lips, small eyes + SEVERE dark circles (yep, had em from when I was young), and a stereotypical chawan-bowl haircut. To look at pictures of me then up until now is like looking at totally different people
↓ How my brows used to look =[ And apparently, 2005 was THAT BAD.
I was the wallflower that no one took notice of unless it was to make fun of. So I became a tomboy. I roughed it with the guys and was usually treated like one. But secretly I wanted to be girly. I started wearing makeup around 8th grade. I looked horrible. But back then, I thought I look awesome (haha). I yanked out half my brows because I hated the ends and they never grew back. So yes,
I do have to draw on the ends of my eyebrows every day. Strangely, I get lots of compliments on them :S I got braces, but today I still hate the way my teeth look. Some people think I have nice lips, but I hate them. I have given up on trying to get rid of my severe dark circles and I still have this constant nagging to yank out my eyelashes whenever I'm bored/stressed.
At this point in time, I feel like I've "grown into myself" so to speak. Now, I
need to wear makeup to
feel PRESENTABLE, not pretty.
I envy those girls that can look beautiful without makeup. Who can wake up in the morning and be satisfied with their appearance, as I am not one of those people. I cannot follow "asian" makeup tutorials because they just don't work for me. I've had to find my own way of applying makeup, and it's still a struggle to this day -- which is why I don't do many tutorials / FOTDs / EOTDs. I do appreciate all the kind words I've received from you lovely ladies though, it really warms my heart and it's nice to hear if I am able to help people in any way (:
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Anyways, on to my main point here. I've been hearing here and there the little issues of
people being hated on for being supposedly superficial, fake, vain, etc. just because they have a blog/youtube where they can freely express themselves through words AND pictures. Lots of nasty words are said that are truly mean and hurtful. Now, this has never happened to me HERE on blogger (and hopefully never will) but I have gone through this BEFORE. It is not a pleasent experience and it really made me question myself and increased my already low self-esteem.
I really wonder what goes through these people's heads before they leave such nasty comments? "I'm jealous of this girl, so I'm going to bash her?" Or "I just don't like girls who post so many pictures of herself so I'm going to say something mean." Hiding behind a computer screen and harsh words is not a way to make up for their own personal flaws nor should it be done just because they have nothing better to do or think it's funny. The people behind the pictures have feelings. They are real people.
Just because they post pictures of themselves doesn't mean they're saying "Look at how hot I am! Be jealous of me! When you're done drooling, post lots of comments about how superior I am in beauty to everyone else!!!" They're usually trying to teach you something, show you something, showcase a product, etc. It's unfair of such rude and careless people to assume that
everyone who has a beauty blog/youtube is a narcissistic bitch.
Which leads me to this point:"Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
You never know what someone has gone or IS going through before you decide to judge them. Which is why the little remarks can often lead to bigger things (who knows, maybe even the end of one's life). It was already difficult for me to have to go through teasing when I was little. And then, an even worse relapse to be taunted yet again, when I finally started feeling comfortable with myself. Although now, I am able to hide my feelings better, receiving a spiteful and negative comment from
anyone really hits hard, which leads to depressing days of much over-analyzing.
Judgement is usually quick, but by no means should it be passed with one glance. The things I tend to hear about myself usually includes: snobby, stuck up, slutty, rich bitch. Which is really hurtful because it's the
exact opposite of who I really am. I don't come from a financially endowed family. I consider myself lucky that I'm going to college. I'm extremely shy and socially awkward, so I tend not to talk to many people I don't know. I keep to myself. And I'll admit, I've made share of stupid, misguided mistakes in the past, but that does not determine who I am
now. Which leads me to another truthful quote:
"Your character is who you are. Your reputation is who people think you are."I'm going off on a tangent here...... but in the end, what I'm getting at is that
I really wish that people will try to be a lot more careful and compassionate with their words and judgement; even though it's only words, they are more powerful than than you think. And my advice to all girls --
Try your best to be confident, NOT conceited.
*Phew*! Sorry for this semi-depressing rant. Just wanted to get it off my chest. Thanks, if you've gotten this far =)
